“The summer, with all its tornadoes and sunbathing, demands all eyes on the thrill of the right now. Right now, I think there’s nothing sexier than ponytails and tank tops worn by the right girl. If she were with me, as I leaned over the balcony rail fifty feet from the coast line, sharing a glass of white wine and moonlight, time would step aside and let my heart slow dance with hers as we shared the silence only love can bring.”
I’m having to catch myself these past few days. By writing the blog “The Brief Interlude,” I was officially declaring the end of one phase in my life, which means the next phase should begin. Right now. The problem is that I don’t want to force it, lest the next phase becomes the wrong one, and I’ve wasted valuable time. I’m not 25 anymore. The clock is ticking, J’s return is much nearer now, and I best be about the business at hand.
Meanwhile, the lunchtime coffeehouse air is buzzing with the quiet din of multiple conversations. Much like the bees who saved my Cherry Blossom tree last year, the white noise of conversationalists reminds me that there is an intentionality about creation. I’m not just here, I’m here for a reason. That should make me feel better except for the fact that, on many days, I allow myself to become paralyzed by stress. How can I be effective if I don’t explicitly know what role I am to play?
I like to write stories, and one thing I know about writing stories is that as the author, I’m the one who assigns the roles to be played and how they will play out. I know the end game. The actors in the story don’t, they are living out their parts to the best of their ability, always surprising me along the way with how they deal with the situations I place them in. I can learn something from them and the way they handle themselves. They aren’t stressed about their roles, they’re playing them out by being engaged in the moment.
Right now, I know I’m in enemy occupied territory, and I have to keep focused on what’s in front of me lest the enemy win and the drama becomes a tragedy. The role I am to play, the “big picture role” I sweat over, will come to me. How I play it out in the meantime is up to me. To put it in easy terms, “I have to be myself” and let the rest come to me.
My character description reads something like this: “Christian guy whose life revolves around J. Not young but not yet old, either. Medium build likes to read, watch Jayhawk basketball, and can be quite the smart alack at times. He recognizes the war he’s been placed in and counts on J to help himself through it.”
Right now, I want to spend time with my friend, J, who has the patience I aspire to and loves his creation in a way I also aspire to, and has the strength that I need to face the war with anger when it’s required and humor when that is the more appropriate weapon. It’s a Friday afternoon and what started out as a feeling of helplessness and impatience has turned into a moment of rest. Clarity has that effect.
Lord, help me to run the race with open eyes, ears that hear, and a willing heart, so I can surprise the enemy with my heart, resilience, and annoying habit of overcoming his plans through you.