Of Boredom And Nightmares

Sometimes, rereading things I’ve already written, whether it is an essay, a blog, a lyric, a book, or a poem reminds me of something I haven’t thought about in awhile. It helps me to remember what I felt, especially on days like this when I’m not feeling anything in particular. So, here goes, time to pull out an old book, turn to a random page and see what comes of it.

“In my dreams continual, point unsung, I walked nameless streets lined with gray. In my dreams continual, never ending, streets lined with gray. For days on end, on end, the nameless streets. For days on end, the nameless streets. I walked the streets lined gray. Ever? No, never an end. Just the gray.”

I remember vividly what I was going for: trying to creatively describe the frustration of a journey that did not appear to have a destination. It helps to know, or at least feel like, you know where you’re heading.

Purpose. That’s a word that has haunted me my entire adult life. Making money isn’t enough. Being the “nice guy” isn’t enough. I want to feel like I’m making a real difference in people’s lives, whether it’s through my writings or my interactions with people on a daily basis. When I feel like that isn’t happening, well, the paragraph above is a pretty accurate description of how I’m feeling and no well meaning platitude or Bible verse emailed by a friend or family member is going to help.

The excerpt is early on in a chapter from a fantasy novella titled, “I Awoke From A Dream,” but probably should be called, “I Awoke From A Nightmare.” In this early chapter of The Journey Into Know, the protagonist is suddenly released from his prison by the wind, which allegorically speaking, represents the Holy Spirit. When the wind blows, good things happen to him and the created world in general. I need the Wind to blow through me and “blow out” the things that have covered my life like a dense fog, impairing my ability to see my journey clearly now as much as ever.

“Something like the wind pulled the veil covering my eyes and in that instant I watched the silky, gray cover vanish delicately from my sight. In two steps I stopped, stunned. I had been walking. For how long only creation knew. For me, it was all a nightmare walking. This new reality felt more real than the time I had lost, a time spent in oblivion.”

The wind will lead the man on a journey of personal discovery and purpose.

Amen, Lord, let it be so.

 

 

Author: gregorsouthardblog

Blogger, author of "Emerging From The Shadows," a memoir, Christian, part- time goofball.

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